Then Sunny’s cell phone buzzed, and the look on her face told all: that was Courtney. Courtney having issues, Courtney being needy, Courtney needing bodyguarding as she went clubbing: Courtney with the black hair and pale pale skin and six-inch heels and skirts so short she looked like she was trying out for superheroine or else chorus girl, and the hot-and-cold manner, clinging one minute and icy-distant, all-business the next.
Intermittent reinforcement, Annie supplied from Psych 101. It gets those rats hopping to, if you give them treats at random intervals, just like every bad country-western or R & B song: “Baby, you’re so nice and then you’re so mean…” She’d wish that Sunny knew better, but a heartbreaker was a heartbreaker, regardless of sex or race, and no matter which sex was the opposite. When she was a naïve teenager, she thought that her love life would have been easier if she’d been into girls, because boys were an alien species, but watching Sunny and Rafe had set her straight on that one.
Great descriptive six. Loved it. Thank you.
I loved that last line. Great work.
Love the voice in this, so authentic. Such a great title too.
Actually I got lost here – Sunny’s phone but then speaking about Sunny in third person… ok ok I’ll drink more coffee but I’m still confused ..
Sounds like it’s action-packed 🙂
Wow, that’s a lotta content packed into six. Love the rapid-fire description of Courtney.
Yeah, it’s a little unclear that we’re in Annie’s POV for the first paragraph, since she isn’t mentioned.
I love the description of Courtney, (may have to borrow some of that attitude for a girl in this novel I’m revising,) and the bit about lesbians still making terrible decisions in their love life. People are flawed, no matter what their gender or sexuality. Thanks for taking part.
Might be easier to follow in context, but I loved the description of Courtney. But who’s Rafe?
A lot of conflict and dilemma in only six lines. Great job.
It is a lot of information packed into six sentences, but I like how you deliver it. I was a bit confused over who Rafe is, though, given that I thought Courtney and Sunny were dating.
But I love your description of Courtney. It feels very authentic!
Thank you all for the comments! In response to the inquiries about Rafe: he’s Sunny’s brother, and in love with Annie’s brother. (I took Shakespeare’s comedies as a model for my plotting, and seem to have inherited their complexity in a way not easily handled in six lines.) Apologies for any obscurity!
The technical observations on POV-confusion gave me things to beware when selecting the next excerpt.
Quite emotional here. Great six.
Cool descriptive six, E. I like the psychological factor in their views of the other characters’ behavior and the issues they’re dealing with make an absorbing plotline. Well done!
I really like the description and voice here.