Six Sentence Sunday, 10 June 2012 (Erika and the Vampire)

In the blue hour before full darkness and curfew, Annabelle and her current boyfriend and his friend walked along the path to the miniature golf course, under colored lights on strings like a Christmas-tree lot; the plaster creatures and landscape reared up strangely in the livid light. The miniature golf course had been created two decades before by eighteen local artists. A missile dangled nose down over a screaming mouth that formed one hole; displaced planes of highway tip-tilted, as if a Los Angeles apocalypse had befallen the interstate, trucks all awry, to set up a very tricky shot into a pothole two tiers below. The final hole was a reverie on the Day of the Dead, where grinning porcelain skulls with neon eyes all blinked when the ball settled into the cup.

Erika had always liked this folly, with its dark suggestions of what might live under the surface of everyday life, but she did not like the aimless chatter, as Annabelle clung to the boy’s arm, and he put his arm around her waist in a rather proprietary way. Nor did she miss the avid eyes of his friend, looking at them and then at her. 

Six Sentence Sunday excerpts in June come from the most recent draft of Erika and the Vampire, currently being revised for release in July 2012.

This entry was posted in Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Six Sentence Sunday, 10 June 2012 (Erika and the Vampire)

  1. As usual your description and imagery are fantastic and really lay the scene out so vividly. And on top of that you have details, like the eyes of the friend roaming from the couple to her, giving the hint of a feeling without outright saying it, which is more effective to me. Great work.

  2. Sue says:

    tad confused – so Erica is present also? That’s quite the mini golf set up.Love the blinking eyes of the skulls

  3. Are the light strings at the golf course or along the way to it? Nice atmospherics, but needs a little clarification.

  4. Elin Gregory says:

    I don’t think we have mini golf here. It sounds a lot more fun than the sort we do have. The somewhat bizarre setting complements the edginess I’m feeling about the girls’s situation.

  5. Karyn Good says:

    Loved the description of the mini-golf course! The end gave me shivers. Great job!

  6. A mini-golf course with things that go bump in the night. Scary!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s